The Way We Never Were

It had been way too long since I had a sweet, great date.  My focus had been on Cole for way too long and nothing had come of it. I became bored of this crush that I had on him and began to sense that Sarah had wanted him much more. So I decided; she could have him.  Don’t get me wrong I still think that he is incredibly hot, though not taking it more seriously than what it is; serious eye candy during the workday

It was after this epiphany that Josh called and asked if I would like to get together.  My stomach did flutter a bit when I saw his name pop up on my caller ID; perhaps Cooper had been right and I was happy that his speculation proved to be on point.  Josh and I agreed to meet on Friday and grab a few pints at Limerick House, which is located right down the street from where we live.  Ruby was in absolute hysterical laughter after I told her that I made plans with Josh.

“JOSH?!?!  But…it’s Josh!!!”, screamed an excited Ruby, “He’s so…he’s so not who I would see you with.”

“What?  I like dorky guys; you know that.  I usually have the best relationships with guys who match my level of dorkiness”, I contested.

“Yes, I agree Frankie”, began Ruby, “though you’re so much more…you’re you and he is…Josh.”

“Yes, you said that.  And what does that mean??”, I asked, laughing.

“OK.  He is fun to have drinks and spend time with at the bar…on a platonic level.  You have difficulty with this concept, I know, but Frankie, dear, dear Frankie…you’re hot.  I know that you think you’re a dork and you are; you have one of the dorkiest personalities of anyone who I know.  You watch Jeopardy! for fun, hate air quotes, are a complete grammar snot, and listen to both Taylor Swift and Korean pop music.  BIG DORK.  Huge.  Though according to your looks;  sorry babe, a dork you are certainly not.  And hot he is not”.

“Uh, well Ruby, dear Ruby.  Thank you…I think”, I replied, “that was sweet though you know I find the dorks irresistible”.

“Well, one more thing Frankie.  I heard that his last break up set him off.  His ex-girlfriend cheated on him with someone who she met on Facebook.  He is on a mad, indiscriminate fucking rampage.  Plain and simple, our little, young dork has become quite a dog.  Please be careful.”

“Really?  That must have hurt!  Though Josh…a complete hound?  I can’t see it.”

“Yes, like no one would ever think that you know EVERY SINGLE LINE TO EACH AND EVERY EPISODE OF FRIENDS.  He is a player in dork’s clothing.”

On Friday, Josh called and asked if I would mind his friend Cary tagging along to which I replied, “Of course not; the more the merrier”, trying to hide my feelings that this did strike me as a bit strange.  I now wondered if perhaps I had been mistaken.  Eh, why am I examining this so closely.  I promised myself that I would have no expectations of this evening except to have a great time with an old friend.

The guys stopped by and we walked together to the bar.  Josh and I picked up from where we left off.  He had me laughing and we were having such a great time; such a great time that I didn’t mind that Cary tagged along.  His girlfriend, Reina stopped by after we had a few pints and the good times continued.  Josh even paid for most of my drinks, though I sneaked in a round for the group when returning from the ladies’ room (it’s simply good manners).  We were amazed that we both had lived in the neighborhood for so long and never saw each other.

By the end of the night I was exhausted though wanted the night to continue; we were having such a good time.  Outside of the bar, we said goodnight to Cary and Reina then Josh walked me to my door.

“I am really happy that we met again on the platform and tonight was super great”, he said.

I smiled, “Yes, it was fun catching up.  I am still in disbelief that we live so close.”

He started,”Well I’m going to go.  Far walk you know.”

I laughed and he asked, “Frankie could I please take you to dinner next week?”

Jeez, he even said please.  Still smiling I agreed, “Yes.  I would like that.  Tonight was good fun, Josh.  Thanks for a great evening”.

He leaned in and I could swear he was going for my lips, though at the last moment brushed my cheek with his lips, wrapping his arm around my waist and hugging me close.  Pulling away slowly, he said in a low tone, “Goodnight Frankie, I’ll call you during the week.”

“Goodnight Josh.  Be careful walking home”, I replied, joking.

Ruby was up when I came inside.  She was keeping a low profile after caring for Kerry.  If that wench made Ruby sick (via flu or heartbreak), I was going to put her in the hospital again.

“How was it?”, asked Ruby.

I thought for a moment, breathing in deeply, “Like old times…though much better.”

–Frankie

Out and In with the Old

Ruby and I decided to have a Roomie Day of Fun.  After becoming roommates, great friends may, at times, spend less time doing friend things together.  Sofa time, sharing Patsy’s delivery replaces quality time spent bar hopping and dinner out on the town. 

We spent Sunday shopping-Hell’s Kitchen Flea Market and Century 21, eating yummy Ethiopian food…and well…more shopping–West 4th Street.  Ruby and I have served as each other’s sex toy consultants.  With the demise of my Rabbit Pearl (a cord problem, not dead batteries), which she gave to me as a 28th birthday gift, we decided that a shopping sexcursion was in order. 

Prior to our fun day Sunday, I conducted a bit of internet research.  So many options and imitation Rabbits.  From bullets to bunnies.  The Only product to tickle my fannie….ummm fancy was still my oldie but goodie, Rabbit Pearl, as I am unable to afford The Victor.  The Victor is a pretty little platinum pet with bands of diamonds encircling the middle of  and oblong shaft.  Though at a starting price of more than $35,000, I must leave this luxurious indulgence to Robb Report readers.

We made our way from Seventh Avenue South toward Sixth down West Fourth.  Tic Tac Toe and The Birthday Suit are my favorites, as they provide an array of pleasure (and pain if that is your pleasure) products for every desire and fetish (every girl should own a red custom fit corset, shouldn’t they?).  While Ruby was examining a pair of boyshorts…complete with attached dildo, I saw it, shining brightly and pink…a lovely, brand spanking new…Rabbit Pearl.  After leaving with our little, discreet shopping bags, Ruby wanted to stop by Cubby Hole for a drink.  I was a bit tired and needed to have my eyebrows threaded at Unique Threading.  I ran down to the platform for the F train and while waiting, turned when HE was walking down the stairs.  I had not seen him since I left NYC to live in Australia.  He saw me when I saw him.  “Frankie!”,  he said, sounding surprised, “What. What are you doing here?  What happened to Australia?  What.  What’s up?”  “Josh!  Hi!”, I said as he hugged me tightly, “Great to see you.  What great timing!  Oh, yes,  Australia; well it was great, though it was not for me.  Now Ruby and I live together in Chelsea”.  Ruby, Josh, and I worked together years ago at my first publishing job after college.  Cooper always suspected Josh as having a crush on me, though I paid no mind to the speculation, as I had been so in love with my pre-violence boyfriend.  Now I wondered if Cooper had been correct and if I would mind if he had been.  Here we were, two years later, going the same way on the same train.  “That’s funny, I live in Chelsea!”, exclaimed Josh.  We took the train two stops to 23rd Street.  As he said, this was “Funny”, though what was even funnier–he lives in the building five doors down.  I allowed him to walk me home, still amazed at our timing.  Eyebrow threading could be saved for another day, I decided as I went inside to polish off my new toy…or allow it to polish off me. –Frankie

Kill Tha Wabbit

I had the apartment all to myself.  Ruby was away for a long weekend–again.  My roomie has been a ghost lately, she pays rent, though is rarely home, nor do we hang out like we did in the past.  I prepared a luscious dinner of  Trader Joe’s Chicken Enchiladas (come on, they are quite tasty considering they are frozen Mexican) and performed my New Moon stalking for the evening.  I had big plans for this evening…alone…in my empty, roommate free apartment…and they included my cute little pink pet and three C batteries…

Fine, I am a huge dork. I poured a glass of Merlot, lit a few candles; if no one will romance me, then I may as well do it myself. Yes, take care of everything myself. Hell, if you want it done right, may as well do it yourself.

So I started…slowly. This is a quality product, three speeds, various rotations, and a little plastic bunny attached at the base whose ears vibrate faster than his Energizer counterpart is able to beat that drum! I know many people have described, written about, and documented on film their experiences  with this product, though if you have tried it, then you will agree. This is the definitive woman’s little helper.

Now I was getting somewhere, daaaaaaammmmmn it felt amazing. I believe that I may have been well on the way to outdoing myself, while quite literally doing myself. I felt it, the sensation in my toes, chest, and right along my happy little trail;  YEEEEES! I AM AMAZZZZZZZING!!!

Wait! What?! No!!! Can’t be!!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! The device sputtered a few short vibrations and then…stopped. I lifted it up…looked at it in horror, as I realized that the batteries lost all of their juice before I lost mine. AND I had no replacements. I was so close!!!!!! I could really cry. WHHHHHHHYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?! I couldn’t even finish manually, as the mood had officially died with the toy. I  killed The Rabbit. –Frankie

On Friends and Lovers

After a long day in the private equity industry, Sarah and I decided to do a bit of shopping.  No, this is not the time to be spending frivolously, though I was in desperate need of retail therapy as I was also on the verge of alcoholism; which may actually be the better option considering the latest rays of economic optimism; cheap bottle of Yellow Tail vs. $200 Gilt Group tab.  Oh the decisions.

Because the future of our employment is so uncertain we decided that buying yet another suit may be necessary.  In addition to the gray, navy, and black pinstripe…everyone could use a crisp, linen…charcoal shift dress and matching jacket…right???

While advising each other on our picks in the Banana Republic fitting room, Sarah and I began discussing our love interests…

“So any promising suitors?”, I asked.

“Eh, only eye candy.  What about you?”

“Oh, well…I have the most painful crush right now.  You know, love hurts.”, I laughed.

“Rrreally??”, asked Sarah, “who is the crush??”

Before today, I had hinted to Sarah on a few occasions that my crush was Cole, though never admitted it.

“Well”, I began, “He is not the typical type of guy who I like…which means he seems to have his shit together.”, I chuckled.

Rolling my eyes and exhaling the deep breath that I just took in, “It’s Cole,”  I breathed.

Sarah looked at me and her smile turned further upward and she began to laugh, “That’s my crush!!!!”

We were jumping around in the dressing room like schoolgirls while wearing our cute little dresses complete with price tags.

I began laughing and grabbed her hands in mine while asking, “Doesn’t his ass look like it was sewn into his trousers?!?!?!  And I bet those trousers would look great on the floor!”

“Yes!!”, she agreed, “each time he bends over, I could swear that I am going to faint and need medical attention.”

“You know Sarah, if we were any other two girls, this could turn ugly, though strangely I  see this crush as bringing us closer”, I said.

Sarah agreed saying, “It’s like our little secret…”

“Our little secret about Cutie Bend Over…or C.B.O. for short,” I winked.

“OOOOH you’re bad!  I love it!”, Sarah exclaimed.

Taking this last comment as a compliment, I said, “Eh I try…we’ll be completely fair when it comes to love…and a great, tight ass.”  –Frankie

Requiem for a Dream

It’s been over a month and I believe that I have almost recovered from my…ahem…relaxing Arizona holiday. What is it about younger guys?  I can’t seem to find a guy who is a bit older…or even my age.  As I sit here at 5:30 pm, just about to ask Cole if he needs anything before I leave at six, Kayla knocks on the glass partition which separates our cubicles.  “We are going to head out for Natasha’s birthday next Friday.  Will you come out?”, she asked.

“Sure”, I replied, “Where are we going?”

“Oh I figure Lucky Strike; we took Cole out there for his 26th birthday last year and it was such a great time.  Fun and games!  Oh and booze, of course.”, said Kayla.

“Wait.  What? Cole is 27 years old?  Seriously?,” I asked, absolutely shocked.

Kayla chuckled and batted her eyelashes at me, “Yes he is.  Awwwww….are you OK with that?”

“Yes, I am fine. It’s just, I thought, well, he…I thought he was at least 29,” I answered disappointed.

Kayla said goodnight and as she walked through the office door, Cole rushed over to my cube.

“Frankie, I need your help, would you please make these copies and turn the tabbed pages into .pdf files???  I apologize for not asking sooner, though got so caught up…and well…”, he said, trying to regain his breath.

I laughed, “Yes, of course, no worries.  You never ask me for anything.  Go finish whatever you were working on.  I have this.”

He smiled, “You’re the best, Frankie, though I am not finishing anytime soon.  Another midnight end of day for me.”

I finished the copies and scanned his requested pages to my inbox.  While looking them over, I couldn’t help but weigh this age issue in my mind.  I guess it couldn’t hurt if the guy were mature and had his life together.  This guy is 27 and busting his amazing ass until ten, eleven, sometimes midnight.  He has so much going for him.  AND I have been accused of seeing myself as much older and experienced than my actual age.  Perhaps I am being silly.  I was still thinking about this dilemma as I walked to Cole’s office with his copies.  Everyone had left for the evening; we were the only people in the office.

Looking through the papers, he asked if I could help him with an issue regarding his Outlook.  I leaned over him and grabbed his…mouse and as I was trying to fix the problem, there was a moment when I could feel his eyes on me.  I couldn’t help but look back…and take in a deep breath.  He stood from his chair and pushed my body against the edge of the desk with his.  He lifted my chin and kissed me gently…and I kissed him back.  This was happening, flowing like a film.  Lifting me onto the desk, his hands lifting the hem of my skirt while exploring the skin of my outer thigh.  My lips on his neck, fingers finding their way from his biceps to his pecs to the button of those trousers… “Frankie,” he whispered softly in my ear…”Frankie, Frankie….Hey, Frankie are you ok??”

Oh shit!  I shook myself from the reverie…breathing heavily-not realizing what-had…where-am-I?

“Cole!”, I said, as I recognized him standing over me at the corner of my cube and finally joined the rest of the world in a little place called reality.

“Are you alright Frankie?”, he repeated his question, “You’re all red…and slightly trembling…”

“Uhhhhmmmm, yes; I…must have been daydreaming while waiting for these files to load.  Oh and look at that!,” Did my voice just crack?!?!  “They are all ready to send to you; haha…I apologize.  Lame, I know.”, I decided for a condensed version of the truth.  Jeez, my face was on fire.

“No worries, why are you apologizing?  I am the one who is keeping you here late.  I appreciate you staying behind to help,” he said, smiling…with that smile.

“It’s fine, my pleasure, really Cole.  Though I should be going.  Unless you need anything else?”, I offered.  Oh please…I could think of a few lewd responses to that question, I laughed to myself.

“No, I’m all set.  Seriously Frankie, thank you.”, he repeated.

“Goodnight Cole.  See you in the morning.  And don’t stay too late!”, I joked.  I am such a dork sometimes!  I feel like such a kid with the type of childhood crush that makes you feel, well, dopey and so…young again.

“Goodnight Frankie,” he said as I made my way to the door,”And, Frankie, whoever he is…well he’s lucky.”

My heart fluttered, “Thanks Cole.  Goodnight”, I said thinking about an ice cold shower while Taylor Swift’s Teardrops on My Guitar played in my head.

Yes, Taylor Swift.  And I wonder why I end up with the young ones.–Frankie

Hittin’ the Kiddie Pool

Yes, I was M.I.A. for a few weeks; my apologies. When RD Capital Partners instituted a week long furlough for its employees what could I do but book a flight outta here?   Kim just graduated from Arizona State University; you know it I am sure–A.S.U.–the largest party school in this fine country. So what?  I am a twenty…ummm…well young professional in her late twenties.  A little dip in the kiddie pool never hurt anyone.  Time for some action.

From the airport, we stopped at our hotel to unpack before heading out to begin the festivities.  Kim said to me, “Just so you know, the condoms are here,” as she held up a long strip of  rubbers and then stashed them in a toiletries bag.  “Thanks baby,” I replied, “though I am not hooking up on this trip.  Your friends are waaaaaay too young.”  Kim gave a dubious stare and repeated, “As I said, the protection is right here.”  To which I had no response, except a smirk and chuckle.  The second stop on the welcome train was Loco Patron which had drink specials for the those who are still blessed with the financial backing of their parents, a.k.a. the under 25 set.  Oh yes, $3 bomber Thursdays; I can not tell a lie, getting bombed was a  theme of this trip.  Kim and I met up with her friends Mike, Cory, and Charlie; all of whom were almost old enough to rent a car without the underage penalty.

At one point Kim asked, “So how does it feel to be back in Arizona?”

“So nice to be out of New York for a bit.  The heat becomes too much”, I cracked as we stood in 105 degrees of dry Arizona summer, “and I don’t mean the weather.”

“Yes”, she agreed, “I don’t know how you do it.  Though I moved out to Arizona when I was young, I had drama by the age of thirteen; the year before I left NYC.  Girls that age should not be exposed to what we were at that age; makes us way too jaded.  Speaking of bad decisions, see anyone you like this evening?”

Mike and Charlie were cute.  I watched them for a moment and then settled my gaze on Charlie.  “Yes, I think I may have found one.”  Following my gaze, Kim agreed, “Fine choice.  Cute and I heard that he is great in the sack.”

I was in town for only five days and most of my visit followed the same daily schedule.  After a night of heavy collegiate level drinking we finally crawled out of our hotel room at noon-ish, ate breakfast, shopped, and drove around the beautiful desert towns (any of it beautiful and different to a New Yorker).

Saturday rolled around, which meant time for some ink.  Kim has a few good friends at Phoenix Tattoo Company, which is quite reputable.  They have inked some amazing pieced for Kim and I couldn’t wait for my new addition!  Kim sat first, having her name inscribed among blooming lotus blossoms on her outer thigh.  I was up next and chose something into which I invested a great deal of thought.  A large royal blue rose in full bloom with a smaller bud above on the same thick stem with a few words from my favorite Paradise Lost quote, “Abashed the Devil stood…saw and pined his loss”.  There is something about having a man tap ink into the skin of my outer thigh that inspires the most adventurous and reckless mood to rise from the depths of my soul.  As Kim and I agreed during the first night, “This feels like a long weekend of bad decisions.  Let’s embrace the debauchery.”  Right on, Sistah!

We picked up Charlie who came back to the hotel with us to pregame as we showered and prepared to go out.  After quite a few vodka and sodas and some silly, dorky photos starring Kim and me, we headed out to Tavern.  We met up with Mike, Cory, and a few other friends of Kim.  Yes, I felt like the oldest person at the bar, though I let go of this complex after a gin and tonic and two shots of Patron.  The guys volleyed for our attention and were extremely flirty.  After many cocktail/tequila shot combinations it was time to hit the road for some late night Mexican…food (not men).

Charlie, Mike, Cory, Kim, and I headed to Filiberto’s or Fili B’s as they like to call it.  Mike insisted that I sit in his lap on the way to Fili B’s.  I was not too keen about this, though didn’t give too much thought to it, as I was hungry and wanted our food fast. The entire ride to Fili B’s was a game of cat and mouse in the back seat.  Mike’s mouth was the cat and mine was the mouse.  Each time he came in for the kill I moved my head slightly to thwart his attempt and then saw what I wanted staring right back at me in the rearview mirror–Charlie.  Once at Fili B’s the boys ordered food and Kim and I sprinted to the bathroom for what else?  A girl’s chat session.

“Ok”, began Kim, “we must devise a plan.  Mike wants you.”

“But I want Charlie”, I replied, “Mike reminds me of your brother and ewww, that is creepy.  Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.”

Kim looked at me and laughed, “Yes, though Mike doesn’t know it, that is the exact reason why I decline his advances every time he tries to get into my pants.  EWWWWWWWW, gross!  OK, I will make this work for you, Frankie.”

Leaving with our carne asada fries and burritos, we first dropped off Mike and Cory.  Charlie was our designated driver, therefore he was going to see us back to the hotel safely.  And Kim sat on Mike’s lap after leaving Fili B’s.  What a great friend!

Back at the hotel we three sat on the couch in the living room of our suite and inhaled our food.  As soon as Kim went into the bathroom, Charlie grabbed me.  Carne asada fries flew, as did my shirt, his shirt, my bra…”Ahem” I heard from behind me and pulled Charlie to my chest as I laughed.  “I am going to turn around AND close my eyes,” said Kim,”and you are going to run straight for the bedroom.  I will sleep on the couch. And you’re welcome”.  Did I mention that she is a great friend?

From this point in the tale my memory becomes a blur of skin, sweat, and yes, the one lone condom that I remember to keep in my purse.  Once we finished (yes, we; Kim was right, he was a great lay and considerate as well), he wanted to go again, though I turned to him and said (or gave a Patron produced mumble), “Do you have another condom?”, completely forgetting about Kim’s stash!!  To which he replied in the negative.  I looked at him and said, “Pity”, rolled over and fell asleep.  Hey I may have been drunk but no glove no love sweetie.

We woke the next morning and Charlie drew me close, saying, “Come on, I want you.  Now.”

“Oh fuck!”, I thought.  “Please don’t be angry”, I said as I pulled over the toiletries bag and pulled out a long sleeve of condoms.

Charlie gave me a look, rolled his eyes, pulled me close, and began seducing me all over again.  I think he was a bit annoyed, though too bad I don’t go raw with someone who does not rank as a serious boyfriend with whom I have a monogomous relationship.  Eventually, after we were dressed, Kim wandered into the room and sat for a chat.  She then was going to drive Charlie home, at which point the kid turned, playfully punched me in the shoulder and said, “Take it easy, see you later”.  What a strange goodbye…even for a 24 year old!

Apparently Kim noticed what she considered to be Charlie’s odd behavior.  We were both completely stumped.  Last night Charlie had offered his shower to me before I hopped the redeye to NYC tomorrow, as I would be checked out of the hotel by 11 am.  Kim and I enjoyed our final complete day together and took it easy; we did quite a bit of damage of these last few evenings.

The next day, she reached Charlie who was a bit unsociable over the telephone, though said that we could come over and use his shower.  At this point I didn’t care and only wanted to get onto the plane feeling clean and relaxed.  Charlie was totally distant toward both Kim and me.  I could see the confusion on Kim’s face.

Once I was in the bathroom it all made sense.  To my horror sitting on the toilet tank cover was all the explanation that I needed.  There it sat.   The douchebag bible…I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.  Good grief, that explains it.  Anyone who takes cues from Tucker Max has to be disgusting.  EWWWWW…now I definitely need a shower.  These damn kids today! –Frankie

Reading Too Far Into It?

Usually by this time of year, we have already enjoyed a few evenings spending a carefree after work happy hour at a rooftop bar somewhere in Manhattan. This rain, cloudy weather, and fog have not made such locales very appealing. The RD Partners crew was looking to have going away drinks for an associate who was accepted into the MBA program at Harvard. We became optimistic a few days ago, as the rain had subsided and the sun was now teasing us with a game of hide and seek. With high hopes we headed over to Dream Hotel’s Ava Lounge

I ordered my Tanqueray and Tonic when Kayla started in again about me staying with the firm.

“C’mon, Frankie; Eileen is not going to return from maternity leave and you fit so well within our firm.  Pllllllleeeeeeaaase don’t make me jump on the assistant search with a recruiting firm!”, she pleaded.

“You don’t want me working with you permanently.  I drink way too much during happy hour; it would be most beneficial to find an assistant who doesn’t drink as much”, I joked.

“Hellloo, that is one of the many reasons why you must stay!  It’s summer and we have much more happy hour bonding to do!”, cracked Kayla.

Yitzchak, a VP, asked, “Well what do you want to do?  Please don’t tell me that you are thinking of reentering publishing?  You will be committing career suicide!”

I saw that this was going to become a serious debate, though I must stand firm on my decision.  “I know where I belong.  If the industry is suffering, then what a great time to be involved.  The learning experience will be priceless”.

“I can respect that,”  said Cole as he walked up from behind me.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.  At least someone is on my side,” I joked.

“Well,” began Kayla as she looked from Cole to me and back again,”searching for a job within publishing isn’t the only thing that Frankie is up to.”

Everyone was sort of puzzled except me.  I thought, “Oh please, not in front of Cole.  Oh no, please don’t say it.”

“Frankie”, Kayla continued, “is already working on writing projects.  She writes a funny little dating blog.”

Oh yes, there it was.  She said it in front of the guy who I was crushing on.  Oh the red fire in my cheeks; why must I blush so deeply?!

“Oh really?”, “A…dating blog?”, “Tell us!” were the synchronized responses.

How should I approach this one?   Here I go, giving it a shot, “Well, yes, it is a joint venture with my roommate Ruby.  We chronicle our funny dating stories through a blog.  It is entertaining and, I will admit, therapeutic for Ruby and me”.

“That’s great.  Can we read it??”, asked Yitzchak.

“Yes, we want to read it!  That is cool”, added Cole

“Well, boys it is a bit risque.”, added Kayla.

Looking for a save, I said, “You may fire me after reading it and I can’t afford to lose my job right now without a lead, thanks!”

“On the contrary Frankie, we may promote you, if it’s that good of a read!”, chuckled Yitzchak.  He continued,”Try this whiskey.  It’s called Woodford Reserve and it is tasty.”

“No thanks,” I replied, “if I mix that with my Tanqueray, then we will all be sorry.  Whiskey and I are not very good friends.”  Though truthfully, I couldn’t help but think about how my crush now knows that I document my love life online.  I thought about how he wants to read me (well, the blog), which is a good sign, though I still can’t read him.  Yitzchak continued to push the whiskey, though I wanted no part of that action at all.    “Fine,  I don’t want your lips touching my glass anyway.  Considering you write a dating blog…who knows where those lips have been”, Yitzchak cracked.

“Well, at least I know my lips have much more fun than yours, you old, married coot!,” I retorted, laughing as I tapped his glass with mine and initiated a group toast.

Our group erupted into a loud, resounding, “WHOOOOOOOOOAA!!!!”, “Dude she got you good!”  I met Cole’s gaze as everyone stood enjoying the respite from the dreary weather.  I held those captivating blue eyes, that were now beginning to read me.

Back to the Future…Again

It seems that no ones Memorial Day Weekend turned out being the love fest we hoped. I made my way up to Kitattinny with the old skool crew, though Tater proved to not be as satisfying as I hoped. We pitched our tents (yes, actual tents), built our fire, began cooking, and cracked open the poison of choice. Keeping with the weekend of nostalgia, I chose an oldie but goody…Hennessy.

//

We laughed, drank, reminisced, gorged on cheese balls and party mix from Costco economy size containers and after six hours of straight indulgence I was not feeling too well; it was time for me to retire to the tent that I pitched. I lay down under my furry blue blanket, trying to keep warm, when I heard the tent door flap unzip. “Oh no,” I thought, “can’t I simply fall asleep?! I feel so terribly ill. Damn, that Henny bites back. Thank goodness this is an eight person tent…Oh…”. Tater ducked in, kicked off his boots and crawled in beside me, wrapping me in his arms from behind. “It has been a long time Frankie”, he said, stating the obvious, “let’s finish what we started.” Jeez, I felt ill and managed only an “Mmhmmmmm”, through clenched teeth and tightly shut lips. His hand moved slowly between the blankets and under my hoodie to my abdomen, stroking above my bellybutton. It was now not a question if I would barf…rather…when? One small heave, which Tater interpreted incorrectly. “Oh yea, baby, I’ve wanted to make you tremble again,” he revealed. I pushed up from under Tater and through the open tent flap, which he forgot to zip shut, and ran away from our site, behind a tree, and allowed nature to take its course.

The rest of our camp roared with laughter and cracked, “It’s ok Frankie! He makes us feel like puking all the time!!” “Nice goin’ Tater, seems like you have that effect on the women folk” “Some things never change!!” “Play on playa!!!!!” Chuckle, Chuckle, Teehee, Teehee. All the burned Tater could reply was, “Ah, Shuddup, Bro!  Whadevah”.   I returned from behind the poor maple tree of choice, fell onto bended knee and did my best Mary Katherine Gallagher SUPERSTAR! impression and received thunderous applause from my audience. After brushing my teeth, all I remember from that evening is the crackle of the fire and the cozy, furry blanket that kept me warm from the cool, May mountain air. I felt much better and had to laugh at the entire chain of events.

Tater stayed at a clear distance from any romantic pursuits for the remainder of the weekend, which I did not mind at all and this time spent with my former hellions exceeded my expectations.  Sitting around with old friends reminiscing and acting silly.  Rafting down the Delaware River. Cliff jumping into the freezing river water.  Good times and more great memories.

Kindly enough, Sasha and Derek dropped me off in Manhattan on Monday.  This was a bit unusual, as many Staten Islanders hate making their way into…THE CITY!

I couldn’t wait to share the funny stories of mischief and mayhem in the woods, though instead walked in and found a Ruby shaped mound on the sofa, swaddled in a green fleece throw.  Her packed bag still sitting at the door of our apartment, a huge mixing bowl containing only remnants of Lucky Charms, and a menu for the L word DVD showing on the television screen, Ruby lay sleeping and this is how I left my friend.

Poor Ruby, she will still not move from the sofa unless it is time for work (well, sometimes; she still has a few sick days) or to change the DVD to another season of Buffy or the L word. I walked in one night and noticed that she was finally sleeping again, though upon closer inspection also drooling on a throw pillow…ugggg. Kerry has been ringing Ruby’s phone constantly since the Memorial Day fiasco and I was just at my wit’s end. This girl not only offended Ruby, though broke her heart as well, and is now harassing her. Revenge may be sweet, though I certainly am not; this bitch was going to pay.

Thing, Fling, or Dating?

I was feeling a bit guilty about being so frank with Ruby regarding her relationship…or rather thing, with Kerry; though as her roommate and more importantly her friend it is my job to protect her. She is going to be hurt, I know this. She and Kerry decided to plan a jaunt out to Fire Island together over Memorial Day weekend. I saw the hope for an exclusive lover in Ruby’s eyes and heard the denial of a beautiful disaster in her voice as she described their plans.

“Well,” I began, “You know how I feel Ruby. She is going to hurt you. Even if you do progress into something more than this thing that you have now, are you really comfortable with being an experiment?”

“I love her, Frankie, and I must risk my heart because right now this entire situation is destroying my sanity,” reasoned Ruby.

“That makes sense, I see your point. Though please be careful…remember what happened with Ellen and Anne Heche.” I warned.

“Yes, of course,” Ruby answered,“Ellen wound up with Portia di Rossi, that hot piece of ass.”

I laughed,”Again, I see your point! Well, good luck pursuing your possible almost lover or a hot piece of ass who will soothe your hurting heart. You know that I am always going to support you no matter the outcome. I am off to Brooklyn for a Costco run for this weekend’s camping trip.”

“Oh, that’s right, you’re going camping with your old crazy Staten Island crew. Wild on the Delaware River!! You better be a bit cautious as well, Mother Hen. Isn’t Tater going to be there?”, asked Ruby.

“HA! Tater. I haven’t seen him in ages. Yes, he will be there, though he has a girlfriend. You know that I am not down with OPP.”, I reminded Ruby.

Tater was a former…thing of mine. Just as Kerry was this indescribable thing to Ruby, it had been about eight years ago since Tater, or Paul, and I dated. Poor Paul inherited the nickname Tater when, as a chubby kid our friends decided that he resembled a tater tot. Yes, cruel then, though eventually Paul outgrew the excess weight and the cruel moniker, to become quite the cutie. He worked hard to win me over and did eventually, though bad timing kept us from a substantial relationship. Through the years, we would make out if we wound up at the same party…or camping trip…

“Riiiiiiiight.  There is no chance that he is single?  He is a player, though would make a great weekend partner for exploration within the forest,” Ruby winked.  “As long as those memories don’t allow old feelings to overcome your fun factor.”

I pondered Ruby’s point for a moment and concluded that I was jumping to conclusions.

My phone rang and I saw that Sasha was calling.  “What’s up Momma?”, I answered.

“Frankie!  You sound the same!  ARE YOU READY FOR CAMP KITTATINNY?!?!?!?“, asked an excited familiar man’s voice.

“Ta–Paul,” I corrected myself , “What are you…”

“Oh I am meeting you at Costco with Sasha and Derek”, replied my former flame.  “What is a true Kittatinny reunion camping trip without a pre-party Costco run?”

I thought for moment, looking at Ruby, who was performing an excited, my friend is hooking up this weekend dance, as I spoke, “Oh Paul, great minds think alike.  You’re a man after my own heart. I am leaving now, see you in a bit.”

“Great Babe,” he said before hanging up.

“Yes,” said Ruby, “it never hurts to have a bit of help pitching a tent.” –Frankie

To ASSociate or Not to ASSociate…

On this evening marking  Barack Obama’s 100th day as president, I sit in my bedroom on my laptop looking back on my first nine days since setting my life back on track. I have no one to nurse, no one to worry about comforting, no one, that is except for myself.  This is my show…working with the hand that I have been dealt; which is much better than Barack Obama’s.  I have a job, an apartment, the most supportive friends;  I have a life.

The girls at RD Capital Partners welcomed me back and filled me in on the most recent firm gossip over lunch at Chopt.  Which VP was now married and may begin a family soon.  Which member of the accounting team became so drunk at last year’s RD Capital Team Conference that she fell into the bonfire; and then attempted to pick up one of the hot associates.  Oh, yes, and speaking of that particular associate, he was looking quite tasty according to Sarah and Kayla.

“Yes, Frankie you missed a bit.  I know you were a taken woman when you last worked with us, though Cole is now single as well”, smiled Kayla.

Cole was a cute, young associate who had mesmerizing blue eyes and golden blond hair, which was cut perfectly short.  Though I would serve as the assistant to a principal, another associate, and Cole, I had not yet seen this cutie.

“Why haven’t either of you chased him then?”, I asked.

“Well, I have my own guy who has been on my mind; actually I would like to ask you what you think.  I met a hot Aussie, which we must discuss…though after filling you in on Cole.”, said Kayla

“Yes, and well, I don’t date colleagues,”  Sarah chimed in.

“Ah, what a coincidence,” I began, ” neither do I.  He sits four offices down from my cubicle and if I am supporting him as his assistant, I can’t, well, you know…ahem…support him, um, in other ways.  We all remember what happened to those kids at the advertising agency, now don’t we?”, I said; barely finishing the sentence before busting out laughing.

“Stop that!”, pleaded Kayla, “We should make a pact so no one dies from choking on our food while eating and sharing funny stories.  Breathe, chew, swallow, speak.”

Sarah and I looked at each other and couldn’t help busting out laughing.  “Oh you are both perverts!”, yelled Kayla.

“We didn’t say anything, though you are obviously right down in the mental gutter playing with us!”, I accused,”Let it rain!”

Back at the ranch, er, office, sitting at my desk, I heard Sarah greet Cole, as he walked in.  He looked around the corner and saw me and asked,”Hey Frankie!  How are you?”

If the financial sector was suffering, then you wouldn’t know it by looking at him.  He looked different.  Same features, though much more attractive.  Much more…manly.  It may sound cliche, though was he working out more often?  He looked like he should be sailing on The Cape and spending summers at The Vineyard.  I could have ripped him from a Polo advertisement.  If  Helen launched one thousand ships, then Cole could certainly save the economy.

Kayla was watching from her cube, located next to me, and grinning to herself pretending to work on a partner’s itinerary.

“Great to have you back, Frankie,” continued Cole.

“Happy to be here, Cole,” I replied,”Quite fortunate actually.  Need help with anything?”

“No, I’m all set.  Thank you.”

I took him in for a moment longer than one should.

“Excellent,” I snapped out of it,”Well, let me know if you need anything at all.”

“Will do, thanks”, replied Cole, walking away with a smile that could light Times Square, and the bridges, tunnels…yes, you get it.

“Well you are a darker shade of scarlet, Frankie!”, observed Kayla.

“It’s the Irish skin…Kayla O’Rourke; you should be quite familiar with its tendency to burn,” I replied defensively and took a sip of my mango nectar.

“HMMMM,” thought Kayla”,…I wonder if Cole burns.  You know, last year Mack (a partner) held a barbecue at his home.  Cole looked smashing in his swim trunks…”

I spit out the tasty beverage and coughed furiously, as mango nectar shot out of my nose, “The rules still apply!!!!!!”, laughing.

No, this deal is definitely not bad…not bad at all. –Frankie