Hittin’ the Kiddie Pool

Yes, I was M.I.A. for a few weeks; my apologies. When RD Capital Partners instituted a week long furlough for its employees what could I do but book a flight outta here?   Kim just graduated from Arizona State University; you know it I am sure–A.S.U.–the largest party school in this fine country. So what?  I am a twenty…ummm…well young professional in her late twenties.  A little dip in the kiddie pool never hurt anyone.  Time for some action.

From the airport, we stopped at our hotel to unpack before heading out to begin the festivities.  Kim said to me, “Just so you know, the condoms are here,” as she held up a long strip of  rubbers and then stashed them in a toiletries bag.  “Thanks baby,” I replied, “though I am not hooking up on this trip.  Your friends are waaaaaay too young.”  Kim gave a dubious stare and repeated, “As I said, the protection is right here.”  To which I had no response, except a smirk and chuckle.  The second stop on the welcome train was Loco Patron which had drink specials for the those who are still blessed with the financial backing of their parents, a.k.a. the under 25 set.  Oh yes, $3 bomber Thursdays; I can not tell a lie, getting bombed was a  theme of this trip.  Kim and I met up with her friends Mike, Cory, and Charlie; all of whom were almost old enough to rent a car without the underage penalty.

At one point Kim asked, “So how does it feel to be back in Arizona?”

“So nice to be out of New York for a bit.  The heat becomes too much”, I cracked as we stood in 105 degrees of dry Arizona summer, “and I don’t mean the weather.”

“Yes”, she agreed, “I don’t know how you do it.  Though I moved out to Arizona when I was young, I had drama by the age of thirteen; the year before I left NYC.  Girls that age should not be exposed to what we were at that age; makes us way too jaded.  Speaking of bad decisions, see anyone you like this evening?”

Mike and Charlie were cute.  I watched them for a moment and then settled my gaze on Charlie.  “Yes, I think I may have found one.”  Following my gaze, Kim agreed, “Fine choice.  Cute and I heard that he is great in the sack.”

I was in town for only five days and most of my visit followed the same daily schedule.  After a night of heavy collegiate level drinking we finally crawled out of our hotel room at noon-ish, ate breakfast, shopped, and drove around the beautiful desert towns (any of it beautiful and different to a New Yorker).

Saturday rolled around, which meant time for some ink.  Kim has a few good friends at Phoenix Tattoo Company, which is quite reputable.  They have inked some amazing pieced for Kim and I couldn’t wait for my new addition!  Kim sat first, having her name inscribed among blooming lotus blossoms on her outer thigh.  I was up next and chose something into which I invested a great deal of thought.  A large royal blue rose in full bloom with a smaller bud above on the same thick stem with a few words from my favorite Paradise Lost quote, “Abashed the Devil stood…saw and pined his loss”.  There is something about having a man tap ink into the skin of my outer thigh that inspires the most adventurous and reckless mood to rise from the depths of my soul.  As Kim and I agreed during the first night, “This feels like a long weekend of bad decisions.  Let’s embrace the debauchery.”  Right on, Sistah!

We picked up Charlie who came back to the hotel with us to pregame as we showered and prepared to go out.  After quite a few vodka and sodas and some silly, dorky photos starring Kim and me, we headed out to Tavern.  We met up with Mike, Cory, and a few other friends of Kim.  Yes, I felt like the oldest person at the bar, though I let go of this complex after a gin and tonic and two shots of Patron.  The guys volleyed for our attention and were extremely flirty.  After many cocktail/tequila shot combinations it was time to hit the road for some late night Mexican…food (not men).

Charlie, Mike, Cory, Kim, and I headed to Filiberto’s or Fili B’s as they like to call it.  Mike insisted that I sit in his lap on the way to Fili B’s.  I was not too keen about this, though didn’t give too much thought to it, as I was hungry and wanted our food fast. The entire ride to Fili B’s was a game of cat and mouse in the back seat.  Mike’s mouth was the cat and mine was the mouse.  Each time he came in for the kill I moved my head slightly to thwart his attempt and then saw what I wanted staring right back at me in the rearview mirror–Charlie.  Once at Fili B’s the boys ordered food and Kim and I sprinted to the bathroom for what else?  A girl’s chat session.

“Ok”, began Kim, “we must devise a plan.  Mike wants you.”

“But I want Charlie”, I replied, “Mike reminds me of your brother and ewww, that is creepy.  Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.”

Kim looked at me and laughed, “Yes, though Mike doesn’t know it, that is the exact reason why I decline his advances every time he tries to get into my pants.  EWWWWWWWW, gross!  OK, I will make this work for you, Frankie.”

Leaving with our carne asada fries and burritos, we first dropped off Mike and Cory.  Charlie was our designated driver, therefore he was going to see us back to the hotel safely.  And Kim sat on Mike’s lap after leaving Fili B’s.  What a great friend!

Back at the hotel we three sat on the couch in the living room of our suite and inhaled our food.  As soon as Kim went into the bathroom, Charlie grabbed me.  Carne asada fries flew, as did my shirt, his shirt, my bra…”Ahem” I heard from behind me and pulled Charlie to my chest as I laughed.  “I am going to turn around AND close my eyes,” said Kim,”and you are going to run straight for the bedroom.  I will sleep on the couch. And you’re welcome”.  Did I mention that she is a great friend?

From this point in the tale my memory becomes a blur of skin, sweat, and yes, the one lone condom that I remember to keep in my purse.  Once we finished (yes, we; Kim was right, he was a great lay and considerate as well), he wanted to go again, though I turned to him and said (or gave a Patron produced mumble), “Do you have another condom?”, completely forgetting about Kim’s stash!!  To which he replied in the negative.  I looked at him and said, “Pity”, rolled over and fell asleep.  Hey I may have been drunk but no glove no love sweetie.

We woke the next morning and Charlie drew me close, saying, “Come on, I want you.  Now.”

“Oh fuck!”, I thought.  “Please don’t be angry”, I said as I pulled over the toiletries bag and pulled out a long sleeve of condoms.

Charlie gave me a look, rolled his eyes, pulled me close, and began seducing me all over again.  I think he was a bit annoyed, though too bad I don’t go raw with someone who does not rank as a serious boyfriend with whom I have a monogomous relationship.  Eventually, after we were dressed, Kim wandered into the room and sat for a chat.  She then was going to drive Charlie home, at which point the kid turned, playfully punched me in the shoulder and said, “Take it easy, see you later”.  What a strange goodbye…even for a 24 year old!

Apparently Kim noticed what she considered to be Charlie’s odd behavior.  We were both completely stumped.  Last night Charlie had offered his shower to me before I hopped the redeye to NYC tomorrow, as I would be checked out of the hotel by 11 am.  Kim and I enjoyed our final complete day together and took it easy; we did quite a bit of damage of these last few evenings.

The next day, she reached Charlie who was a bit unsociable over the telephone, though said that we could come over and use his shower.  At this point I didn’t care and only wanted to get onto the plane feeling clean and relaxed.  Charlie was totally distant toward both Kim and me.  I could see the confusion on Kim’s face.

Once I was in the bathroom it all made sense.  To my horror sitting on the toilet tank cover was all the explanation that I needed.  There it sat.   The douchebag bible…I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.  Good grief, that explains it.  Anyone who takes cues from Tucker Max has to be disgusting.  EWWWWW…now I definitely need a shower.  These damn kids today! –Frankie