Stalling

So, I never understood what was so exciting about hooking up in a bathroom. That was until I did.

Yes, it was cramped and the toilet got in the way, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

So, I have been going to Equinox for a while now and I recently changed my workout time to avoid Kerry, who apparently is dating one of the other guy-teachers at the gym. Figures. This being the case, I switched from doing yoga on a regular basis to running on the treadmill and lifting weights.

It’s amazing how many different people you can meet on a daily basis just by varying your routine. One of those people was a short blond bombshell named Barbie, who would often show up to run on the treadmill at the same time I did.  Not surprisingly, Barbie and I got into the habit of running together and discussing the latest episodes of True Blood amoung other things. Also, not surprisingly,  Barbie had a boyfriend.

On this particular day, as we were running and discussing Sookie and Sam’s latest adventures, Barbie’s boyfriend called and she aptly answered and popped off of the treadmill to take his call. I ran for about 20 more minutes and decided it was time for a bathroom break.  I entered the womens’ locker room and the bathroom, which was in an adjacent room. No one was in the bathroom besides Barbie, who was standing by the mirror.

“I had hoped you would come,” she said almost breathlessly.

“Sure,” I replied a little clueless.

She looked at me expectantly. As I walked toward her, her blue eyes got wider and she had one of those looks on her that could have only meant she wanted me to kiss her.

I put my arms around her and she responded almost too quickly, backing into a bathroom stall and kissing me all at once. I fumbled with the lock on the stall as I groped and kissed Barbie.

“They’re implants,” she said.

“I would have never known,” I lied and continued to kiss her neck and breasts.

Things escalated at a rapid pace. Barbie started grinding me against the door and then I pushed her back toward the corner in passion, accidentally almost throwing her into the toilet. But it didn’t matter. We were sweating and kissing and our bodies were moving together. She sighed softly. She had an orgasm, just by grinding. I unbuttoned her pants and went to go down on her for round two.

“No,” she whispered and then pushed my head toward her.

Barbie wasn’t a novice with girls either, I found out.

However, during our romp in the stall, we were interrupted. Someone entered.  They went into the next stall and began peeing. It was one of those long Austin Power pees. We froze and tried not to giggle. Barbie’s face was turning red.  I wanted to burst out laughing.When the person in the next stall left, another entered. We knew our time was up.

Barbie and I tried to straighten out. I adjusted my top and quickly exited the stall. Barbie wasn’t quite ready and quickly shut the door behind me.

I went toward the sink. And there, staring at me, was Kerry.

“Hey,” she said.

“Oh, hi,” I answered uncomfortably as I scrubbed my hands. I grabbed a paper towel and wiped my face.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s O.K.,” I said praying that she would just leave before Barbie came out of the stall.

But she just stood there watching me sadly, deciding what to say.

“I miss you,” she started.

Barbie walked out of the stall and over to the sink.  She washed her hand and patted some water on her face. “Wow. What a workout! See you tomorrow, Ruby.” With that Barbie, winked, and turned and left the bathroom.

I couldn’t help but smile. Barbie was so damn hot.

Kerry’s mouth hung agape. She blushed. “Oh my god,” she whispered. She shook her head and followed Barbie out of the bathroom. – Ruby

Reading Too Far Into It?

Usually by this time of year, we have already enjoyed a few evenings spending a carefree after work happy hour at a rooftop bar somewhere in Manhattan. This rain, cloudy weather, and fog have not made such locales very appealing. The RD Partners crew was looking to have going away drinks for an associate who was accepted into the MBA program at Harvard. We became optimistic a few days ago, as the rain had subsided and the sun was now teasing us with a game of hide and seek. With high hopes we headed over to Dream Hotel’s Ava Lounge

I ordered my Tanqueray and Tonic when Kayla started in again about me staying with the firm.

“C’mon, Frankie; Eileen is not going to return from maternity leave and you fit so well within our firm.  Pllllllleeeeeeaaase don’t make me jump on the assistant search with a recruiting firm!”, she pleaded.

“You don’t want me working with you permanently.  I drink way too much during happy hour; it would be most beneficial to find an assistant who doesn’t drink as much”, I joked.

“Hellloo, that is one of the many reasons why you must stay!  It’s summer and we have much more happy hour bonding to do!”, cracked Kayla.

Yitzchak, a VP, asked, “Well what do you want to do?  Please don’t tell me that you are thinking of reentering publishing?  You will be committing career suicide!”

I saw that this was going to become a serious debate, though I must stand firm on my decision.  “I know where I belong.  If the industry is suffering, then what a great time to be involved.  The learning experience will be priceless”.

“I can respect that,”  said Cole as he walked up from behind me.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.  At least someone is on my side,” I joked.

“Well,” began Kayla as she looked from Cole to me and back again,”searching for a job within publishing isn’t the only thing that Frankie is up to.”

Everyone was sort of puzzled except me.  I thought, “Oh please, not in front of Cole.  Oh no, please don’t say it.”

“Frankie”, Kayla continued, “is already working on writing projects.  She writes a funny little dating blog.”

Oh yes, there it was.  She said it in front of the guy who I was crushing on.  Oh the red fire in my cheeks; why must I blush so deeply?!

“Oh really?”, “A…dating blog?”, “Tell us!” were the synchronized responses.

How should I approach this one?   Here I go, giving it a shot, “Well, yes, it is a joint venture with my roommate Ruby.  We chronicle our funny dating stories through a blog.  It is entertaining and, I will admit, therapeutic for Ruby and me”.

“That’s great.  Can we read it??”, asked Yitzchak.

“Yes, we want to read it!  That is cool”, added Cole

“Well, boys it is a bit risque.”, added Kayla.

Looking for a save, I said, “You may fire me after reading it and I can’t afford to lose my job right now without a lead, thanks!”

“On the contrary Frankie, we may promote you, if it’s that good of a read!”, chuckled Yitzchak.  He continued,”Try this whiskey.  It’s called Woodford Reserve and it is tasty.”

“No thanks,” I replied, “if I mix that with my Tanqueray, then we will all be sorry.  Whiskey and I are not very good friends.”  Though truthfully, I couldn’t help but think about how my crush now knows that I document my love life online.  I thought about how he wants to read me (well, the blog), which is a good sign, though I still can’t read him.  Yitzchak continued to push the whiskey, though I wanted no part of that action at all.    “Fine,  I don’t want your lips touching my glass anyway.  Considering you write a dating blog…who knows where those lips have been”, Yitzchak cracked.

“Well, at least I know my lips have much more fun than yours, you old, married coot!,” I retorted, laughing as I tapped his glass with mine and initiated a group toast.

Our group erupted into a loud, resounding, “WHOOOOOOOOOAA!!!!”, “Dude she got you good!”  I met Cole’s gaze as everyone stood enjoying the respite from the dreary weather.  I held those captivating blue eyes, that were now beginning to read me.

Baring it all

After a half a week of heartbreak, a box of Lucky Charms, 2 pints of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, and about a million re-runs of the L-Word, I was ready to hit the  gym again.

Besides working, the gym had become part of my routine and I wanted to keep it up. I started running on the treadmill at times I knew Kerry wouldn’t be teaching yoga. I hadn’t called her back; mostly because I didn’t know what to say to her. Kerry’s calls were becoming  sparse. That was OK by me. Even though I missed our conversations and being around her, I knew this seperation had to be for the best for both of us.I wanted to feel wanted, sexually. Something I had wanted but would never feel with Kerry.

And wanted is exactly what I got, but completely by accident.

My brother was having his 23 birthday party at a strip club with some of his friends. Being the, “cool” sister that I was I headed over to Ricks in midtown to check out the scene.  My brother and his friends were drinking at the bar and watching the girls. Well gawking is more like it.  But they were more like terrified boys. The girls were dancing for money and asking if they wanted lap dances, but the guys weren’t getting that. They thought this might as well have been free.

“Guys,” I said, handing my brother ten bucks, “You have to tip them.”

“Er, like how. I dunno how to do that,” said one of the boys. “I’d pay to see you do it though,” he laughed. Five of his friends laughed along with him.

“Yeah, right,” my brother said. “Like you’d tip a stripper.”

“Why not? Fine with me,” I said. “Give me some cash.”

I, of course, wound up with twenty one dollar bills ( thanks to the young company) and took toward the stage with dough in hand not knowing exactly how to tip a stripper in what appeared to be a club full of mostly men staring at naked women. When I got to the stage, I noticed one other dressed woman there at the bottom of the stage, who looked similar to Kerry, but a little fuller (although not overweight).

As I stood watching the woman dance above me and wondered how to give them the cash this Kerry look-a-like inched closer to me. “Hey,” she said and smiled. “Have you ever done this before?”

“No,” I admitted.

“Do you mind if I show you?” she said and with that she held up a few dollars and a stripper came over to her and she popped a dollar into her panties slowly.

“Ah. ha!,” I said nodding.

“So, you ready?” she asked and winked.

“Yeah,” I mimicked her and held out a few dollars and when the stripper came over she knelt down and leaned very close. I put a dollar in her bra, which was already quite stuffed with dollars. She smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Now,” laughed the Kerry look-a-like. “That is new.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“They’re not supposed to touch you,” Kerry look-a-like stated. “And we are not supposed to touch them unless invited. Now, I’m guessing that’s an invitation.”

“Uhhhhhhh for what?” I asked.

“Oh, wow. You really are adorable,” she said staring at me. “And you smell good too.”

” Er. Thanks,” I replied, a bit amazed that she seemed to be coming onto me.

As we were doling out dollar bills to the strippers, I found out the Kerry look-a-like’s name was Cheryl and, like me, she was into girls.

The stripper up on stage that had kissed me on the cheek kept coming back over to Cheryl and me and as I was popping a dollar in her glittering purple panties this stripper grabbed me and kissed me. Cheryl, stood there shocked and started laughing at me locking lips with the stripper.

Without thinking I grabbed the Kerry-look-a-like’s hand and started kissing her softly. She kissed back and the fact that we were in a strip joint didn’t even seem to matter. I couldn’t help, but remind myself while kissing her that it wasn’t really Kerry. The stripper didn’t seem to be doing her job quite right, as she had gotten off of the stage and started kissing both of us. So, naturally when you have three women kissing and groping each other in a male strip joint, we became the show instead of the catwalk of strippers working their stuff above us. It didn’t take long before the security guards came over and escorted the stripper back to her post and asked us to back away from the stage.

Remembering my brother was there and was with his friends, I exchanged numbers with Cheryl hastily and ran over to his group where he stood completely mortified.

“Dude, your sister is sooooo cool,” one of the guys said.

“That was soooo hot,” another one of his friends said.

Seeing my brother’s expression of surprise and shock, I said,”I think it’s time for another round of beers boys.” - Ruby

Back to the Future…Again

It seems that no ones Memorial Day Weekend turned out being the love fest we hoped. I made my way up to Kitattinny with the old skool crew, though Tater proved to not be as satisfying as I hoped. We pitched our tents (yes, actual tents), built our fire, began cooking, and cracked open the poison of choice. Keeping with the weekend of nostalgia, I chose an oldie but goody…Hennessy.

//

We laughed, drank, reminisced, gorged on cheese balls and party mix from Costco economy size containers and after six hours of straight indulgence I was not feeling too well; it was time for me to retire to the tent that I pitched. I lay down under my furry blue blanket, trying to keep warm, when I heard the tent door flap unzip. “Oh no,” I thought, “can’t I simply fall asleep?! I feel so terribly ill. Damn, that Henny bites back. Thank goodness this is an eight person tent…Oh…”. Tater ducked in, kicked off his boots and crawled in beside me, wrapping me in his arms from behind. “It has been a long time Frankie”, he said, stating the obvious, “let’s finish what we started.” Jeez, I felt ill and managed only an “Mmhmmmmm”, through clenched teeth and tightly shut lips. His hand moved slowly between the blankets and under my hoodie to my abdomen, stroking above my bellybutton. It was now not a question if I would barf…rather…when? One small heave, which Tater interpreted incorrectly. “Oh yea, baby, I’ve wanted to make you tremble again,” he revealed. I pushed up from under Tater and through the open tent flap, which he forgot to zip shut, and ran away from our site, behind a tree, and allowed nature to take its course.

The rest of our camp roared with laughter and cracked, “It’s ok Frankie! He makes us feel like puking all the time!!” “Nice goin’ Tater, seems like you have that effect on the women folk” “Some things never change!!” “Play on playa!!!!!” Chuckle, Chuckle, Teehee, Teehee. All the burned Tater could reply was, “Ah, Shuddup, Bro!  Whadevah”.   I returned from behind the poor maple tree of choice, fell onto bended knee and did my best Mary Katherine Gallagher SUPERSTAR! impression and received thunderous applause from my audience. After brushing my teeth, all I remember from that evening is the crackle of the fire and the cozy, furry blanket that kept me warm from the cool, May mountain air. I felt much better and had to laugh at the entire chain of events.

Tater stayed at a clear distance from any romantic pursuits for the remainder of the weekend, which I did not mind at all and this time spent with my former hellions exceeded my expectations.  Sitting around with old friends reminiscing and acting silly.  Rafting down the Delaware River. Cliff jumping into the freezing river water.  Good times and more great memories.

Kindly enough, Sasha and Derek dropped me off in Manhattan on Monday.  This was a bit unusual, as many Staten Islanders hate making their way into…THE CITY!

I couldn’t wait to share the funny stories of mischief and mayhem in the woods, though instead walked in and found a Ruby shaped mound on the sofa, swaddled in a green fleece throw.  Her packed bag still sitting at the door of our apartment, a huge mixing bowl containing only remnants of Lucky Charms, and a menu for the L word DVD showing on the television screen, Ruby lay sleeping and this is how I left my friend.

Poor Ruby, she will still not move from the sofa unless it is time for work (well, sometimes; she still has a few sick days) or to change the DVD to another season of Buffy or the L word. I walked in one night and noticed that she was finally sleeping again, though upon closer inspection also drooling on a throw pillow…ugggg. Kerry has been ringing Ruby’s phone constantly since the Memorial Day fiasco and I was just at my wit’s end. This girl not only offended Ruby, though broke her heart as well, and is now harassing her. Revenge may be sweet, though I certainly am not; this bitch was going to pay.