Do you like AC/DC?

Have you ever had a New York moment? You know the kind when you are wandering down the street and bump into a total stranger who looks familiar and just start talking. Well that is how I met Bank-guy.

I met Bank-guy at the Bank, by accident. I literally walked into him. So we did the usual “sorry” and then he asked me out. “I can’t let you out of my sight now,” he said. To my surprise I said yes.

Well, after a couple of days Bank-guy took me to Bricco’s up on 56 and 8th. It is this cute and cozy Italian joint. We sat down and he did something that totally turned me off. He asked me what he should order. How am I supposed to know what you are in the mood for? So I ordered for the both of us.

Then he started talking music. “Do you like the band AC/DC? I love AC/DC,” he said. For the next half an hour I learned everything I needed to know about the band, from their first album High Voltage until they became the greatest heavy metal bank of all time.

Then the conversation paused. He took a breath and asked, “Do you like music too? Do you listen to AC/DC?”

“No, but I’ve been AC/DC does that count?” I joked.

“Well AC/DC’s best album…” he rattled on.

So I sat there and listened for a bit. “So what do your friends like to do?” he asked.

“Go AC/DC,” I joked again. “We like to make out, you know, with each other,” I said sarcastically.

No reaction.

“Do you like AC/DC. I like AC/DC.” Then he continued to prattle on about the band.

As we were leaving the restaurant, I thanked him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I was not Thunderstruck, but he was with his favorite band. This is why New York moments never work out. Strangers are stranger than ever now a days, but the only way to get to know them is to sometimes go to dinner to measure those currents of chemistry.

“Wait a minute. I paid for dinner. You owe me a kiss, a real one, and maybe more,” Bank-guy said.

“Go kiss, AC/DC,” I replied. - Ruby

Eyes Wide…SURPRISED!

Walking down Fifth Avenue I wondered about my FDNY man.  We had a few telephone conversations, though never met for a traditional date.  Traditional date; what was that again?  Speed dating, match.com, Facebook…this virtual method of courtship was a bit overwhelming.  This considered, I felt cozy when thinking of our outdated means of courtship and communication…A TELEPHONE CONVERSATION!

Oddly enough, as I pondered my telephone romance, my telephone began to ring.  Mmmm…it was Adam.

Frankie: “Hello?”

Adam: [Hopeful excitement in his voice] ”Hey! What are you doing tonight?”

Frankie:  “Not too sure, perhaps a chill evening at XR Bar.”

Adam:  ”There is this party that I am going to at 7 o’clock on the Upper East Side and you HAVE to come.”

Little did I know how much meaning lay in that last word. 

“It is exclusive, invite only and I want you to be my guest.  I am bringing my friend Patty, she is smokin’ and I know she would like to meet you…”

Frankie:  “Adam, who is hosting this party?”

Adam:  “Weeellll, it is a party hosted by a group of…a group of people who meet every so often…and well, fuck.  C’mon, you HAVE to let me fuck you in front of this room full of people.  You don’t HAVE  to fuck anyone else, only me.”

Was he for real?!?!

Frankie:  “Are you for real?!?!  You mean something along the lines of Eyes Wide Shut?  Adam, I can’t let you fuck me in front of a room full of people; orgies are just not my style.”

Adam:  “It will be amazing, I guarantee, you will never experience anything like it ever again!”

He obviously never had a pomegranate margarita from Rosa Mexicana! 

He was totally serious!

I must admit, though I would not be able to bring myself to have sex with Adam under such circumstances (and now reconsidering having sex with him under any circumstances) I was curious and wanted to simply be a fly on the wall…well, a fly on the wall who was holding a dirty martini, of course. 

Frankie:  “Thank you for the invitation, though I must decline, perhaps next time. ”

I was taught to always be polite…even when…invited…to…an orgy.

Adam:  [Miffed] “Fine, I will go and have amazing sex without you.  In fact, I will never have sex with you again if you don’t come out tonight!”

Frankie:  I had to stifle a HUGE chuckle, “Aww, baby now you don’t mean that.” 

I found this entirely too entertaining and could not resist playing around with him–it isn’t every day that I receive such a wild proposal.

Adam:  “There is another party on June 4 and you better meet me there!”

Frankie: [Mockingly] “I want a full report in the morning!”

Adam:  [Displeased] “Goodbye!”

–Frankie

A Just Friend and a movie

I hate being alone. Being alone sucks. I’m through with it. Well, that’s what I thought this weekend anyway. So here I was with “Just Friend” seeing about the most absolutely non-romantic movie in the world, “Baby Mama”.

Now I have known “Just Friend” for years. I even roomed with his girlfriend in college. We are like two sides of a peanut butter sandwich, except we are both the peanut butter side and we are both searching for the jelly.

We were having a good time that night catching up everything. We talked about his ex (my old roomie), old friends, and stupid drunken times. Then we got off of the subway and walked into the theater . Everything changed then. It was weird.

Just Friend stepped in front of me in line and ordered “our” tickets to see the movie, but awkwardly, like he wanted really badly to do it. Then Just Friend bought popcorn and a soda and said, “So you are single now, and I am single. That makes us two cats on the prowl.”

LOL or gag myself. I didn’t really know how to react, except I gave him that look. You know the look. Like the WTF look. “Yeah, right. Two cats on the prowl, just like you said.”

Then we walked into the movie and I thought,” Wow. Fantastic timing. So just friend and I grabbed the popcorn, mostly because I love it. I could literally eat it day in and day out, except that it is bad for you. So there I am gorging myself with unbuttered popcorn and in conversation with him about how the price of gas these days is more embarrassing than renting a porn in a hotel, and he puts his arm around me as the movie is starting.

Ew.Ew. Ew. Ew. I almost gagged.

Then and only then I did something that I will never, ever do again. I thought OMG, I don’t want him to think of me in a sexual way EVER, he is Just Friend and he will only ever be Just Friend to me. Then in a truly stupidly spontaneous moment I shoved my entire face into the popcorn bag, started making Cookie Monster noises like “Um, Yum, Um. Me like popcorn.” Then I proceeded to shove my head down into the bag of popcorn.

Just friend withdrew his arm immediately. He looked at me confused and then he started laughing. “OK stop. The movie is starting.”

I wiped my chin with a napkin, and all was well after that between Just Friend and I. -Ruby